If You Leave Me Now
by flashpenguin
Summary: John Reese's thoughts as Joss Carter lay dying in his arms. ***Character death*** Can be read as a stand alone or with "I Will Remember You". COMPLETE!


_Yesterday as I was falling asleep, this song came on the radio. And my twisted mind saw a story of how Reese had come to that moment in his life where everything was finally falling into place. But instead of a happy ending, life would rip out his heart again. Then it hit me – even if it doesn't make any sense on paper - that I needed to tell Reese's thoughts the night when Joss died. Can be read alone or with "I Will Remember You"._

_I don't own Person of Interest._

_**Song prompt: "If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago and Jim Caviezel**__. (Yes, for those who haven't seen it, you can check it out on YouTube!)_

_***WARNING! TISSUES MAY BE REQUIRED!***_

* * *

**If You Leave Me Now**

"TIME'S UP! TOLD YOU I'D END YOU!"

They had been ambushed, but John Reese would never know what hit him first: Joss's scream or the two bullets. Either way, he would never forget the impact of both on his life. And while he lay on the ground trying to gather his thoughts, he wondered – not for the first time – if he was finally dead.

Moving his legs, he felt the pain shoot thru his body at lightning speed and he tried to catch his breath. Three stabbings, four gun shot wounds, and nearly a dozen broken ribs in his lifetime, yet nothing hurt as much as the wounds to his chest.

Pushing himself up, he frantically tried to find Joss. _Where was she?_ His vision blurred from pain, he felt the sweat trickle down his face. He had to find her!

"Joss! Joss!" he called out her name, hoping she would answer him. Only gasps as she tried to breathe were her reply.

"_Sooner or later I lock you up...or find you bleeding out somewhere."_

_"I will take my chances."_

God, his arms hurt! The pain was almost mind-numbing as he tried to move himself over to protect Joss. But he put his body between her prone figure and the possibility of a second attack.

"I'm here," he assured her. _God, there was so much blood…hers…his…this isn't happening! God, I didn't believe in You for so long…help me…help her! Please!_

"_Well, look who's here. Carter's guardian angel."_

_"You got a detective in your pocket?"_

_"More like on my back."_

Holding her in his arms, he looked down quickly. It was a mortal wound to her chest. And the way the warmth was spreading across his thigh, he knew that it was a through and through. But there was still a chance for help to arrive – a chance to save her.

"It's okay." _Did he really tell her that? Empty words. He wanted to reassure her that he wasn't going to leave her. He would protect her and help her._

"I need to see my boy," she gasped frantically and tried to move out of his arms. But the strength was slowly leaving her.

He had to admire her. Even as the life was leaving her, her last thoughts were about Taylor. And in that moment, he realized how much he loved her.

"_Who are you?"_

"_My name's John. Your mother sent me."_

"I need to tell him…"

"And you will."

"_You gotta know that I won't let anything happen to him."_

"You need to stay with me." _Stay with me, Joss. Hold tight to my hand. Feel my strength. Let it be yours! God! Why won't that phone stop ringing?!_

"Promise you'll look in on him."

"_I'll bring him back. No matter what the cost."_

"_Promise me."_

"_You have my word."_

Tears filled his eyes. "I won't have to because you're going to make it." He seen worse, and he had had a couple of close calls himself, there was no reason she couldn't make it. He glanced toward the precinct. Where were the sirens? Where was the help?

"P-promise me," she demanded.

_No! No last request. No death wish to be fulfilled. Tell her no! Tell her that everything is going to be alright!_

But as he looked into her eyes, there was no way he could lie to her. She was dying. She was leaving him.

"_When your time is up, it's up."_

He wanted to scream. It could not just end this way – shot and left to die in the street – not for her. She deserved a long life with someone who loved her and admired her. And then it hit him that she deserved him – faults and all.

_No, God. You took Jessica. Please, don't take Joss just as I realized what all this hell I've gone thru really means. _

He wiped the tears from her eyes as she tried to breathe. As he touched her cheek, he tried to block out that this would be the last time he touched her. He tried to block out the softness of her skin against his. He remembered the feel of her lips against his and the way her big brown eyes looked up at him as though she was seeing him for the very first time.

"_You look like you need some help."_

"_You were lucky. The bullet hit the vest, broke the skin, bruised a couple of ribs."_

"_Your definition of a lucky day is being shot and set on fire?!"_

"_I always pictured you in the back of my car…in handcuffs."_

"Look at me, Joss. He knows."

"_If anything happens to you, I'll hate you forever."_

"_You're stuck with me, remember?"_

"John…"

_Don't leave me. Don't take my heart. Please. I never got to tell you that when you saved me, you gave me a new lease on life. I never got to tell you that I love you._

He wasn't going to cry. He was going to be strong until help arrived. He owed her that much.

But he could hear the rattle in her throat. The end was near. It was just a matter of time.

"Don't let this…"

He held his breath as she struggled for hers. His nearly useless arm wrapped around her as tight as he could. If nothing else, he could give her comfort for these last few seconds.

Her eyes were closing. He could feel the fight leave her body. She was giving up.

"…change…you."

Then she closed her eyes and died.

It took a second to realize the truth. _NO! _His mind screamed. She wasn't dead. This was a dream…a nightmare of hellish proportions. If he closed his eyes and opened them, he would find that this was all just a bad dream.

He closed his eyes and counted. It was still real.

He kissed her eyes, her face, her hair. He called out her name. _Come back! Don't leave me! Joss, don't go!_

"_When your time is up, it's up."_

Under the street lights, on the cold concrete of the alley, he didn't care who saw him. Holding her close, he buried his face in her hair and wept.

"_You're all alone, and no one's coming to save you."__  
_

And that part of him she saved, died.

**The End**


End file.
